we talked about what we remembered.
told stories of the homes & memories that 'once upon a time' sheltered us.
i liked it.
i liked it because it felt like another time.
and
also felt like yesterday.
i might not remember every room in every house. but i do remember the way the pool felt during the summer months.
i remember my bedroom in the Jefferson house that i shared with her. the one with blue and yellow walls.
i remember crying at the piano when she would leave me to my siblings.
i remember the way we smiled in the picture she took in December. the one where his face is covered with frosting.
i remember when we flew to Oregon and got the only dog i ever loved. i remember clearly when she died too.
i remember coming home from school only wishing to go back because she made a list of chores we had to do.
i remember the panic that crossed her face when she received the phone call that our house had been broken into.
i remember the 24 marathons we would have as a family over Christmas break.
i remember crawling into her bed at two in the morning because i was afraid someone was outside my window.
i remember when they had been so mean to me and she found me crying in an empty room.
i remember being the only girl who could or would compete with the boys. i too remember making them cry.
i remember winning the annual race at my school every year. even the year my teacher bet me a snow cone that she would win.
i remember all the orchestra, band & choir concerts i was forced to sit through. some of them being mine.
i remember crisp to the core the night, week after & funeral of one of my classmates death. and when the "new teacher" made light of it.
i remember when he left for two years. only to come home to a whole new world. new home in a new state with no father around.
but i remember this most. June 30th 2007. the day we left my childhood. he wasn't around, she was nervous, he didn't care, she was doing her own thing, he was angry, i was lost.
now they're just fading photographs and flashbacks that seem to not belong to me. and on occasion i shut my eyes to find the girl they belong to.
she might be me, but i'm not her...anymore. though, sometimes i wish i still was.
